Journal Entry from a Psychedelic Experience at Boom ‘23
I wake up. I'm fragile - better, but still fragile. Maybe i can pull this off, but it still seems hard. Thó suggests that if i'm not feeling well, we can postpone the LSD trip, I say:
“I don't think that's an option at this point”.
It's not fair, i've been wanting this for so long, i’ve been preparing mentally for so long. I want and need to make this happen, I dig deep and reflect.
You are not doing this to me, not like this, I'm getting this done, soldier on!
Everyone's getting ready for another chill day at the tarp by the lake with a lovely trip by the end of the day. I feel like I could go to the tarp and chill, but i'm not sure if i have energy for that plus the trip.
"I'm not going to the tarp guys, I'm gonna save my strength for later"
"Yes man, save your strength!" Thó says
"We need a meeting point” Amber or Jule say, I’m not sure.
“We'll need to come back to camp, let's do 18.30 here”. I say
“All right!”
I go back to the tent, I sleep more and than I'm awake. I'm even stronger now. I think I’ll be able to pull this off. What do i need?
Fuel
A jacket to protect me in the night
Water daddy is also recovering and sleeping in his tent. Amber is at camp, she asks me if i'm better: “Yes!” I start to sound more confident. I go to pirate market looking for a jacket. Can’t find what i'm looking for. I go to the Bazar - there’s more interesting options here. I go back and forward for a bit until i find something i like. It's not perfect and it’s overpriced but it's good enough - it will have to do.
Should I go back to tent? Hmmmm, but i'm so close to the tarp where everyone else is! Let's test-drive this bad-boy (aka my body) - I'm feeling more and more confident. I go the tarp and get a warm, excited welcome from everyone.
"Are you feeling better"
"Yes, i'm like +95% i'm gonna be able to do this"
"Niceeeeeeeeeeee"
I'm not sure if i went in for a bath in the lake, but I stayed with them for a bit, than I announce my departure.
"I'm gonna go, see you back in camp."
I went straight to the central plaza for fuel. I get myself a Pirate kebab with some fries and a home made iced tea. First meal of the day, and it goes down pretty easily - feel myself becoming more powerful. Back at the tent, I try to sleep some more but can't.
Eventually people arrive. It's Amber, Jule, Axel and Alex along with some friends and our german neighbours. I don't go out of the tent immediately, but eventually I do. We talk, everyone arrives and it’s go time! I pick up a small bag, we divide the LSD by everyone according to each others desired dosage
“Cheers everyone, see you on the other side”.
We take the cutest of photos and leave camp.
We head to funky bitch. It’s full and the vibe’s not quite right. We bounce. We walk across the entire festival just talking shit.
We arrive at the main area and play on a random slackline we find for a a bit, trying to balance ourselves on it. Henrique provides me with support and says he feels more muscle on me. I’m glad. I fall from the line. Everyone asks me if I’m ok. I am! We laugh. We’re children. We’re beautiful.
It’s almost time for the dance temple to open, so we head towards it - but there’s still no music when we arrive. We’re a few minutes too early. “The magic onion!!!”, I remember.
It’s really close by, so we head there! Recently it was brought to my attention that it might have been a mushroom, but to me it will always be an onion. In a hidden corner of the festival in what appeared to be the middle of nowhere there’s a giant onion head. We lower ourselves to enter it. There’s only a few people in it, the sound of 80s music electrifies our bodies and we start dancing. I remember me and Lois sparking up the dance-floor giving it our all, jumping happily, our hair twirling in the air in a sensual, fun and electrifying way. I cross looks with the entire group and I find that we can’t stop smiling, everything is so genuine, everything is so natural, everything is so, so, so pure - the moment is bliss.
Eventually, we decide to leave, we pick our stuff from the ground, lower ourselves again to leave the disco/onion/shroom? As soon as we’re outside, the psytrance from the dance temple starts calling. We race to it. The stage is now starting to get filled, but it still only has a fraction of the amount of people that will soon be here.
We navigate the crowd until we’re in the middle of the stage, we find a good place to set camp and dump all our shit - bags, shoes, bottles, jackets. Than we go for it. Dancing here is pretty different from what it was in the onion, but comes just as naturally and it’s just as pure.
The set feels slightly odd, but in a good way. The best way I can describe it is: It sounded like a carnival psytrance set. It was very different from the type of set you got at night, which was darker and more hardcore, this one was playfull and fun - inviting! Just building up the atmosphere in a really smart and original way.
I love dancing when the crowd is not as big, I like to “dance around” and this makes that experience really easy without getting lost.
“I know you need your space, just don’t wonder too far” - I remember Thó saying.
So I’ dancing! Jumping from one place to another, surfing the dance floor and every time I see someone from the group they seem just as engaged as me.
Eventually I feel the need to leave and continue the adventure elsewhere, but I’m not sure how to communicate it properly. We’re a big group, maybe others aren’t feeling the same* Communication can be an issue in these sort of trips regardless of whether you’re with people you know really well or not - right now I’m with both. Soon after the though sprawls in my mind a reassuring and nurturing whisper from Henrique pops in.
“How do you feel like about going to check Alchemy Circle in a near future?”
Yes! What a perfect way to put it, great job Henrique! He goes around the dance floor like a goblin planting the idea in everyone’s mind and we leave a few minutes after.
The journey there is short and playful. I remember Brainfart saying:
“It’s being really really fun, but I don’t think I feel anything yet.“
I don’t remember exactly what i answered, but I think it was something around:
“Don’t try to force it, just enjoy the moment with or without it - it will come”.
I remember this comment making me unsure of where the LSD was kicking in yet or if I was just high on life. Alchemy was nice, the crowd was filled with colourful lighted totems. I remember that the group dismantled and went a bit rogue at this stage. We were all in the same area still, but everyone was kind of doing their thing. I went to get lemonade at least twice to refresh my throat and for the sugar kick.
“Do you want some” I recall asking Amber
“What’s that? Does it have alcohol in it?”
“Not really, mostly just sugar”
She gave me the most British frown.
“Naaaaaaaaaaaaaah”
I laughed
I don’t remember the exact order of events from now on. It’s all a bit smashed together in my mind. We went back and forward between stages. We might have gone to Sacred Fire as well, I have a really tender memory of dancing there in a really sensual and loving way but it might have been at another night of the festival.
At some point we went to see the light show in the water. I remember us sitting down and being hypnotised by it. I remember most of the Tugas feeling the urge to see it closely and me staying behind with some of the people I knew the least and bonding with them. I remember talking to Axel for a few minutes and getting to know each other better and realising we both worked with software. I remember, Brainfart starting to get into a bad trip because now it was really kicking in and he was having a hard time socialising and was thinking that everyone else was thinking that he was odd. I remember Thó getting him out of that bad vibe in a really nurturing way:
I can’t describe what I’m feeling right now very well either. I also have no idea what I’m doing right now! That’s just the trip, and that’s fine, nobody actually knows! That’s the trip!
We’re all in it - nobody thinks you’re weird, trust the group, you’re fine! I love you!
I also remember us resting in “cave” - it wasn’t an actual cave, but it was a bit covered, and you had to go down a few steps to enter into it so it felt like a cave. I remember the waves of energy between each other while we talked, our faces morphing. I remember drinking a lemonade and thinking that someone might be thirsty but not exactly being sure how to best offer it, so I just laid my face down and presented the lemonade up into the middle of the group and Jule picking it up and thanking me with a bright beautiful smile.
Lois was the first to leave, after a while Amber, Axel and Jule too, than most of the others. I might be fucking the ordering here I don’t know. At some point it was just me, Thó and the trance. Ohhhh that beautiful trance. The beat of the speakers made your entire body move on its own. You could just “rest your mind” on the jelly that was that entire fucking dance-floor - on the Psytrance itself. The jelly was warm and nurturing but wild, freaky and dark all at the same time. Time and space were no more. I felt complete, fulfilled, wholesome. I felt all powerful and yet exposed with my heart opened.
Eventually we went back to camp. We might have gone to the supermarket to get something to eat before, I’m not sure. Thó felt asleep but I couldn’t. When I lied down my body had a will of its own and it kept moving to the sound of the dance temple far away. My mind was too awake.
I was reading a wonderful book at the time, “INTROSPECT”, so I picked it up and read for a bit. Than I wrote some stuff of my own. I think I even drew some stuff - again, not sure.
I never woke up because I never actually feel asleep, but eventually I heard voices outside and so I dragged my air mattress outside. Henrique gave my a disapproving look, as if to warn me that I might end up puncturing the mattress on the rough ground.
“Buuuuuuuuuut I really want to!”
“All right than do it but put a towel underneath it”
Then Lois said something like:
“Yeaah, Henrique is also the voice of my consciousness sometimes. But it’s in Portuguese that’s why I can never understand it”.
We laugh. The moment is pure, my heart is pure. My body and mind still ask for Psytrance so I get the speakers from within the tent - rejoice! My hips move on their own to the sound of the beat while I’m laying in the mattress. Lino makes a comment about “how can we still keep going” - but we can, I can! It feels like the trip hasn’t ended. We, the tribe, chill out for a bit here.
Amber makes a drawing with my colouring pencils and I'm glad for it. I'm energetic, my mind is ecstacy and it's powerfull. I feel glad, alive, infant, but i haven't slept and i was sick yesterday - that can’t be great right? My throat displays some sines of weakness, but somehow they don't feel serious. Deep down i think my subconscious knows that if the body stops, it'll crash for a good amount of time, like it did before - so it chooses not to crash.
It's time to eat. Lois is going to Ace Ventura after and I'm coming with, the rest of the tugas are tired, they're going to the tarp. Daddy and the others should be at the meeting point in the dance temple but we can't find them. It's not a problem we still dance.
Lois tells me to stay still, she's going to find them. She returns in no time, she found them. I pick up my stuff and follow her. Daddy, Marco, Jule, Amber, Axel, Alex, our german neighbour that's going to Ozora - they're all here. I great them, it's cool to talk to Jule. The trip last night was amazing and both share the feeling. I even talk a bit with Axel, but deep down I just wanna fucking dance, i'm back in the jelly. I'm back on the trance. I let it rock.
Sines of a tired body pop in. I'm gonna leave soon, maybe after this song. Or this one.
"I'm gonna go to the tarp soon"
"I'm gonna go to the tarp soon"
"I'm gonna go to the tarp soon"
"I'm going to the tarp!"
I pick up my stuff and leave. Chi temple (a meditation “stage”) seems to be warming up. What's gonna happen here? And how long until it does? I can ask people but I don't. Thó had mentioned earlier that he really wanted to do meditation with the after effects of LSD, or was it yoga? Not sure, but whatever it was, it was at 17h.
It's almost 17h right? Not sure, my bag went with the boys to the tarp so I only have my water. I sit, lay down and close my eyes. I wait some time, 15m maybe? Maybe more, not sure. A lady speaks at the microphone, in 5m we will start "......." something? I can’t really hear it right.
They give out blindfolds and I put them over my eyes and a lady with a motherly voice starts talking into the mike.
“Open your third eye”
“Open your heart chakra” - I realise that I can't properly feel my heart beat but I put some effort into it and eventually I start to.
“Do some movement, be true to yourself, you can get up if you want, but be honest in your movement. Remember no one is watching, be honest, let it out.” - I feel like I should be naked (nudism is widely practised across the festival) But is that weird? We're all blindfolded and i get naked? That's weird, right?
“Remember that no one is watching BE HONEST! “ - I take the leap of faith, i get naked.
The music is calm, angelic, happy. I dance fluidly, I'm breathing deep, I'm screaming, I'm howling, I'm crying, I'm so proud of myself. Times have been harsh, demanding, and i've been doing so good, I’ve been fighting so hard. I cry more, thanks momma (which is what I end up calling the lady who's guiding the meditation.
I cannot see anyone around me, but I can feel them, their auras and their movement around me. To those who have watched “Attack on Titan”, I can only say that I felt like I was in the “paths” - the metaphysical sand place that connects the minds of all Eldians.
"There's still more screams inside” momma says, “let them all out". I howl, I scream, I cry, I laugh, I move - honestly. I start feeling spiritually drained. Deep down, I realise that after this exercise my body is gonna crash again, but i feel the need to finish it and i can still do it. i still have the strength to finish this!
"Now we're gonna take the blindfolds off" - OhFuck.jpg
“Pick a partner”. God i hope i don't look like a weirdo. The guy right next to me.
“Look them, it's ok to feel embarrassed, it's fine! Embrace it, continue with your honest movement, be honest!”. I try to, i look him in his eyes, i touch his third eye, i touch his heart, he opens up to me. I'm embarrassed and that's fine. We howl, we dance - together.
"It can be sensual but not sexual. Open up your heart, be honest with your partner, feel your partner's heart, and if he let's you in go in. It's ok if he doesn't, it's important to be honest and to respect boundaries. But if he does, go inside! Enjoy.” We hug, he doesn't seem discussed that i'm naked, he has accepted me, I'm glad, we hug. He embarrasses me, my head is in his chest, i cry some more, I feel his love. We howl together, we dance, we scream. Eventually the music stops.
I say to him: "This was wonderful, i truly truly needed this - thank you so much, but i really need to go for a swim now."
We hug, i pick up my stuff and leave. I walk naked, i'm conformable without any masks. I forget my water bottle, i go back to pick it up. As i arrive at the tarp my energy levels are dangerously low.
I go for a swim, dry in the sun, i find myself a slot in the community towel. It's clear that my crash is imminent, movement is pain and some people start to notice. Lino in particular.
People make plans around me. There's a Cabaré event and Lois, Thó, Amber and others want to go. They leave. I need to master strength to go to the tent, just a few more minutes and I can crash but not just yet.
I get dressed while laying down. I ask for my stuff and get them together while laying down. Ok, i need to pull the trigger, let's get up and go.
"Lino, i'm about to crash, i need you to take my things to the tent if i leave any here ok? I really need to go now."
He nods. Daddy and Marco are also going to the tent so we leave together - they ask me what I’m gonna do tonight and I describe my current state and that I doubt I’ll be able to do anything at all.
"But you're gonna miss Captain hook"
"I don't have a choice, by body is crashing"
I cannot overstate this - existence is pain - my body is weak and I'm not sure when i'll wake up once I lay down. They go to central plaza and i go to the tent.
I'm moving entirely on instinct here, I'm able to push myself to the showers. There's a line of 4 people, I'm not strong enough to find a way around so for the first time in 3 editions i actually wait in line in the showers.
I go through a very quick cold shower - feels great - i think i tried to avoid getting my hair wet. I dry myself super quickly. I get myself to the tent but forget my towel in the showers: RIP. I can’t force myself to go back, fuck the towel.
I feel fresh in new cloths. I enter at the tent and lay down. Someone in a nearby camp is playing psytrance - during the fucking music break! My mind can’t disconnect from it, and my body moves on its own. It feels like a disease at this point.
Please shut up, please make it stop, i need to sleep. Please turn off the speakers, i need to rest, that won't let me - it's too powerful. My hips move to the sound of the beat while I’m laying down. I try to avoid it.
Where is Thó? I’m not strong enough to get up but he should be here any moment now right? Please Tho, I’m gonna need to activate a “no questions asked” - you need to find the source and make it stop.
Please man, go there and ask, I'm begging. Stop the psytrance. Please.
But he never came. I'm awake now - it's dark. My clothes are soaking in sweat Jule is in my tent.
"We're going out now and we were just wondering if you wanted to come"
"Sorry, sorry i really can't today. My body is crashing"
"Oh! Ok, sorry for waking you up"
"No problem, thank you for thinking of me"
She leaves, I force myself to get up. I change my soaked clothes for new ones and go back to bed. Later Thó comes by.
"All the Tugas are here, we were too tired to go out tonight"
That somewhat makes me happy, selfishly so - at least I didn’t lose anything too significant.
See you Around
I seriously hope you enjoyed this article - if you’re interested, there’s a part 2 to it where I elaborate on what I feel makes a festival worth attending and the transformative and sacred roles of festival in modern society:
I’m trying to write more about things that feel deeply personal, and I’m quite happy with how these two pieces came out. If you did consider subscribing to my Substack 😊.
I’m also active on Twitter @TheJointleman
